November | 2023 | The Billion Circles Project

Life is our best teacher. With bruised hearts we keep moving forward, collecting experiences that will hopefully provide a growing ability to navigate. Learning by doing, right?

Books are wonderful allies on this journey; a way to recoup on the couch while forming a strategy for our next venture into a world of communities. Because how do we unpack and make sense of our often complex experiences of colliding with other people? And how do we translate that into actual steps forward?

The three suggestions that follows each provide a different aspect of this. A why, a how, and finally, a watch out. Three guiding lights on our path.

Understanding the importance of connection

Why is coming together in community even a thing we should pay attention to? Maybe you’ve heard Brené Brown utter the words “we’re wired for connection” but what does that really mean?

In his book, Professor Matthew D. Lieberman introduces his work in social cognitive neuroscience and provides an in depth understanding of how our brain has made three distinct adaptations that naturally orients us towards connection.

An overlap between physical and social pain.
A neural network dedicated entirely to social cognition.
Social cognition network as default setting.

Using different techniques, one of them being fMRI, Lieberman maps out how we’re constantly influenced by each other. If you have any interest in understanding yourself and the people around you better, you must read this!

Social: why our brains are wired to connect by Matthew D. Lieberman

How to facilitate connection

Understanding why we need connection is only the first step. Next comes the how, and here we’ll find valuable assistance in the expertise of Priya Parker. With a background in group dialogue and conflict resolution, Parker eloquently presents all the aspects and considerations that goes into planning meaningful gatherings.

“.. to put the right people in a room and help them to collectively think, dream, argue, heal, envision, trust, and connect for a specific larger purpose. My lens on gathering – and the lens I want to share with you – places people and what happens between them at the center of every coming together.”

From identifying the purpose of gathering and all the way to the closing, you will get ideas and inspiration sprinkled with anecdotes from Parker’s extensive catalogue of gatherings, both personal and professional. Chances are you will finish this book with a surge of enthusiasm in planning your next dinner/meeting/conference.

The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker

The red flags of connection

Once we better understand the why and the how, it might be a good idea to keep an eye out for the red flags as well. Since we’re so sensitive to influence from the people around us, we can really benefit from being able to recognize when that influence is not in our best interest.

Focusing on the language, Amanda Montell lays out how we can get hooked in a way that might be utilized in a more or less culty context. Language is the invisible creation of our reality, and by making it visible, we stand a much better chance not falling victim of coercion, gaslighting or manipulation.

With a degree in linguistics, Montell are able to present academic knowledge in an engaging and accessible way, providing a foundation from which we might be able to grasp how the shadow side of community works.

Cultish : The Language of Fanaticism by Amanda Montell

Additional resources

These suggestions will hopefully provide a vantage point from which you will be able to get some perspective on whatever experience you find yourself in currently. From here you might want to venture further and dive deeper. This is just somewhere to start.

And if you like podcasts, you might find this one interesting: A Little Bit Culty – yes, it’s all about cults. Or how about this TED Talk by Priya Parker where she gives you the quick guide to gathering.

Obviously, we have an ocean of valuable information about ourselves, and how we relate to each other, and what to do or not to do, and so on. We have that because we care. Because we’re wired to care deeply.

So please, if you have suggestions that might benefit others, put them in the comments.

If you’re new in town or simply visiting and have the urge to connect with the locals, or you’re looking for the antidote to a long and lonely winter on the couch, go find a dancefloor!

IMAGINE THIS: the sun sets at 4 PM and your body is probably telling you that you need to find a couch or a bed to crawl into. Maybe you’ve been out all day, you’re cold and tired, and seasonal depression is lurking just a few weeks down the road. Maybe you’re just visiting, and you’ve been touristing the museums, the restaurants, the architecture, and everything else the guidebooks told you to do to experience the true Copenhagen. Maybe you’re just exhausted because it’s been a rough year. Every cell is telling you that all you need right now is something warm to drink, a cooking show on your screen (I’m not judging), and to just sink into that dark winter vibe.

I get it, but ask yourself this: do I really need to hibernate alone on my couch? Nine out of ten times the answer might feel like a YES, that’s exactly what I need!! Again, I get it. Really. However, maybe one day you’ll find yourself needing something else. If that something might be a little sweat, emotional release, and a sense of community, go find yourself a dancefloor.

Dancefloor Community

On one hand, it’s just dancing, right? It’s great exercise; you’re getting your heart rate up, the muscles are working, the sweat is dripping. Something even more important is at stake, though. You know, the part where the music and the movement enables you to express complex emotions, to strengthen your connection to yourself and to recalibrate with the warm bodies around you. Without venturing into a tirade about the state of the world today, might I suggest that we could all benefit from a little recalibration with the bodies around us.

As inspiration, scientists in the field of neurocardiology are discovering how we’re constantly affecting each other through the electromagnetic field of our hearts. If this sounds interesting to you, you can find studies and more through HeartMath.

At first, you probably just need to arrive at the venue, in the room, in the group, in your body. Breathing awareness into your chest and your belly. Allowing those first tones of the music to start pulling your shoulder, maybe just the fingers on one hand, even just the corner of your mouth. You could be the kind of person who starts on the edge of the room, observing and slowly moving closer. Or you’re simply claiming your space in the middle, enjoying the feeling of being surrounded by your fellow dancers. Either is great. Either is welcome.

As your body is warming up, your movements might stretch and unfold as you travel around the floor. Emotions you’ve been grabbling with rise effortlessly to the surface to be released through the fierceness of your stomp or the lightness of your sway. Maybe you raise your gaze and notice someone noticing you. The magic of connection. Strangers coming together to dance; to enjoy the power of movement and expression, to hold space for themselves and each other without the pressure of performing – what greater feeling is there?

Whatever happens during the dancing is entirely up to you. Hopefully you end up tired and sweaty, feeling that tingly contentment as your breathing calms down and your muscles relax. Hopefully you feel seen and celebrated.

We all know how difficult it can be to pull ourselves off the couch to venture outside in the dark when all we (think we) want is to hibernate inside. But having the experience of being fully included and accepted in a group is something that might nurture an even greater need than the need for sleep.

Copenhagen Dancefloor Options

For me, 5Rhythms has just the right combination of creative freedom, diverse music, and an inclusive community atmosphere. Every time in the sharing circle at the end, someone will thank the group and with a glowing face express how tonight was the best night I ever had on the dancefloor!

Any type of conscious dancing would have the same elements of connection, both to yourself and to the group (conscious dance is unchoreographed dancing for the purpose of authentic expression, self-discovery and interpersonal connectedness). But maybe you’re more into some spicy Latin with lots of hips, or how about some Afro, or maybe you want more choreography and an entirely different type of dance. Copenhagen has a lot of options, so simply get on social media and see what’s on the calendar.

Specifically for 5Rhythms in Copenhagen check out this group on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/groups/14493399140

For a wider variety of events and classes in the Copenhagen area https://www.facebook.com/groups/240420149373356/

We need to feel community. it’s such a vital part of being human. Especially in today’s world, especially during Scandinavian winter, especially as we’re trying to navigate through life. We need more community, and why not find it on the dancefloor.

If you’re not in Copenhagen, consider if you know of any dancefloors in your area. Would you be open to go join one for a few hours of fun? Who knows, maybe you have a friend who also need a dose of sweaty community.

GO DANCE!